I’m frequently reminded that although Weddings represent a really happy occasion they are often tinged with sadness because at most weddings there will be someone missing. Someone really special that we wish could be there but is no longer with us. That is why I wanted to share with you some thoughts on how you can remember missing loved ones on your wedding day.
This subject is very close to my heart as a very important person is missing from my life. Someone who I strive to make proud everyday, always thinking what would he say so this advice really does come from the heart.
Weddings are full of emotion and knowing there is someone missing can be truly painful but you can find comfort by having nods to them so that they feel like a part of your special day.
A question I get asked is how do you make that person a part of your day without making it sad? Well firstly you’ll never not feel sad about them not being there so don’t worry if you do. It’s ok to feel a bit sad and yes there will probably be a tear or two but you can have a moment for them that’s special and you’ll feel better knowing that they were a part of the day one way or another.
One of the biggest ways to bring someone into the day is through the speeches. Now this could be through stories or reflections on what they might say if they were there.
It’s tradition in my family at every family meal to toast to “absent friends” and recently I’ve seen a lot of couples offer the same toast as part of their speeches which I think is a really touching way to acknowledge those missing loved ones.
Maybe you have a song that reminds you of them that you can play and share a dance with the other guests affected by the loss.
If you have a piece of their clothing you could sew a small piece into your wedding outfit. It will feel like a piece of them is close to your heart and it could be your “something old”, “something borrowed” and maybe even “something blue”.
Why not have pictures of them on frames displayed around the venue, they could even be mixed with other photos of friends and family. You can also purchase small passport photo sized frames to tie with ribbons to your bouquet or have a photo put in the inside of a pocket watch so you can carry them with you all day.
Lighting a candle is often a symbolic way to acknowledge someone who’s no longer with us. I’ve seen this incorporated as part of the ceremony or placed somewhere with photos of those you’re honouring.
If the person missing would have been party of your Wedding party you could always consider having an extra bouquet/corsage/button hole made up or just a bouquet of flowers using some of your wedding flowers that you can take to a special place where you like to remember them. It could even be one of your centrepieces which you take the next day so a part of your day is with them.
None of these suggestions will ever make up for them not being there but they might give you a little bit of comfort that those missing were a part of your big day.
And to that wonderful man in the stars, this is all for you. Thank you for always believing in me.
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